Ain't Done Yet
by sammysmissingshoe
Summary: Why does Sam keep pushing Dean away? Why was he so willing to die? Sam finally answers Dean's questions.


So I've typically always sided with Sam whenever the two brothers fight, but in the current season 9 episodes I've been getting real tired of his crap and I've been trying to come up with a reason as to why he's being such a jerk. This finally came to me so here's a little conversation between the brothers.

* * *

"Sam, enough." It had been weeks and weeks of Sam ignoring and pushing himself away from Dean, and finally, Dean couldn't take it anymore.

"What, Dean?" Sam asked in an annoyed tone.

"I've been trying to fix this mess I made for a while now, but it ain't gonna work if you don't talk to me, man!"

"There's nothing to talk about."

Dean turned his head away while huffing out a breath. "Really? Cuz it sure as hell seems like something is going on here that you're not talking about."

"I've told you, Dean. I was ready to die-"

"Yeah, you have, but I don't understand why. Why would you be so ready to leave everything behind? What about all the crap I've put in front of you, instead of giving up? Did you even think of me?"

Sam just stared at him for a while. He spoke again in a very soft voice. "You really don't get it do you?"

"Get what, Sam?"

"Do you remember what I told you in that church? What my biggest sin was?"

Dean didn't respond. The answer to the question still buzzed around in his head. _It was all the times I let you down._

Sam interrupted his thoughts. "You ever stop to think that maybe I was tired of it?"

"Tired of what?"

Sam swallowed. "Disappointing you."

Dean closed his eyes and pushed out a breath. "Sam, I'm not-"

"No, don't give me that. Everything that has ever gone wrong in our lives was because of me. Why did Azazel kill our mom all those years ago? Me. Why did you end up going to hell? Me. Why did the Devil get out of the box? Me. Why aren't the gates of Hell closed? Me."

"Sam, I was the one that-"

"All it would have cost us to shut the gates forever was me, Dean. I couldn't even die right in order to save thousands of people."

Dean was speechless.

"The reason I was so willing to die, I couldn't stand letting you down again." Sam bit the inside of his cheek as tears began to well in his eyes. "The whole damn universe is just waiting for the Great Sam Winchester to royally screw things up again. We all know it's gonna happen, and I knew it too. No matter how hard I try, no matter what decisions I make, I always choose the wrong path, and it's always you that suffers because of it."

"Sam, stop."

"You want to know why I've been pushing you away? It's so when the time comes when I screw up again, maybe this time, just maybe, you won't feel obligated to try and fix things. I can't let down my brother, if I'm refusing to be one."

Sam's face hardened. "Are you happy now?"

Dean rubbed his hand over his face. "Sam, I said it in that church and I will say it again. I don't blame you for any of that."

Sam scoffed.

Dean shook his head. "Sam, ya gotta believe me on this, okay? I screw up too. All the time!"

Sam let out a forced laugh and stared at anything but Dean's face. He seemed particularly interested in his own feet at the moment. "Never the way I do."

"Sam, that's not true."

"C'mon, Dean. Your idea of screwing up is when you pick the wrong diner, or choose a crappy motel. Your mistakes don't lead to the friggin apocalypse!"

"Not yet they haven't." Dean grumbled.

Sam's head shot up. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Dean angrily rolled up his sleeve to reveal Cain's mark. "I don't know what the hell this is, Sam, but I took it cuz I thought it was the only way to kill Abaddon. I just took and and said 'Screw the consequences!' I don't have any freaking idea what this might lead to, but I didn't care. You don't think that's gonna lead to something bad? That's our biggest problem, Sam. We both try to do the right thing, and look where it gets us."

Sam closed his eyes and pushed his hand through his hair. "I know, Dean, and that's my point. Maybe we should just stop trying to fix everything. That's what I was doing, Dean. Doing 'the right thing' has brought more trouble than it's worth every damn time. I was done."

"I'm not. This mess we've, not just you, Sam, _we've_ made isn't gonna stop with one of us dead. We just gotta keep fighting until it's over, and when it's over, then we can be done." Dean looked at Sam until his earthy green eyes met Sam's. "But it ain't done yet, and neither are you."

* * *

Sorry if it's a little OOC but I wrote this when I was really sick and I finished it in about half an hour so… Basically just why Sam is so PO'd with Dean. I'm not ending it with a whole big 'hug it out' session cuz that's not how the brothers usually work. They can hug when Abaddon, Gadreel, and ESPECIALLY Metatron are dead. Working on another story right now, it's my first requested fic, and then I've got two other ideas buzzing around once I'm done with that. Carry on my wayward sons!


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